Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
