You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can I color on your dick again?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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