I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
