dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
