i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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