Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
