We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
