Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
