I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
