i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
