you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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