I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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