last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
