I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
