Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
