My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
