So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
