you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
