I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
