What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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