We're facebook friends in real life
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
