I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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