I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
