Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
