I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
