put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
