yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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