You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
