PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
