I wanna bring you to show and tell
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
