my mouth tastes like poor choices
...so i touched it.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
