nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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