you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
