I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
