My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
