You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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