this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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