in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
