he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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