Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
