Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
