'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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