batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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