yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
