well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
