I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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