There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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