Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
