if you like me you must not know who I am
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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