I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
