do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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