Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
