If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
