he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
