Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
