garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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