Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
