Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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