Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
