Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
