If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
