Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
