Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
